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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Photo blogging

Recently, i picked up a new hobby - Photography, and editing them.. Here are some of the pictures i took, and edited at the Singapore Arts Museum about 2 weeks ago.. Enjoy..
(Click to enlarge)

A wait in silence.


Staring into darkness.


A lonely silhouette.


A hidden history. An unwritten past.


Flashback from the past.


Tired feet.

Juz love doing these kinda stuff.. Now i want my own camera!! *Whines*
And yes, the guy in those pictures is my one and only laogong.. =D Wow.. Hope he's honoured.. heh..


12:53 AM
Monday, May 30, 2005

It's so much fun blog surfing.. Looking at other people's styles and ways of writing.. There's really so much we can all learn from each other and its like, our blogs kinda tell us who we are..

The way we present our entries is important.. I mean, there are some people who use caps and non-caps repeatedly in a sentence.. How am i suppose to read that kinda crap? Dont your eyes get tired? Haha.. No offence to these bloggers, but really.. Do something about it..

And, just like typical singaporeans, we tend to use the words - Wait.. Are they even words at all? Hmm.. Ok anyway, we tend to use the "words" lah, wor, ba, mah and other different languages mixed together.. It's so hard reading and understanding these blogs.. Gosh..

As i was blog surfing, i came across blogs from other countries.. It's surprising but i realised that i could tell which blog owners were from singapore and not.. Singaporeans love adopting their own blogskins or creating their own.. International blogs are simple and straight forward..

Juz cant stand those blogs that advertise their company's products.. Infoblogs or something? Kinda boring and foreign to me..

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I finally finished another song.. The title's called "Six o'clock".. My songs are kinda mellow and soft.. Very Lene Marlin-ey and a little Avril Lavigne too.. Think it's kinda Indie.. haha.. Wow.. Amazing.. Started out writing crap songs, like 4 yrs ago? Juust love laughing at them now.. wAhAa..

I need a tutor..! Not for math, science, watever.. But guitar!! My guitarist says my chords are too simple and more is required of me in the music industry.. Like duh! Im not even a guitarist.. Im juz a typical pianist/songwriter who uses the guitar to aid her in finding her tunes.. So far, ive got pretty good but simple tunes, which is a good thing.. DAR!! He's a guitarist but seems to have abandoned his special talent for racing.. It's something i juz dont, and never will understand..

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Drummed for church service today.. Havent been playing for like, wat.. 3 weeks? I really want to improve myself coz i know that i am never perfect and my drumming will never be perfect.. I dont know why, but whenever i play during music practice, i find my drumming empty and non-professional.. But when it comes to the real thing, the music's livelier and im actually enjoying myself.. I gez its coz i was really worshipping during service.. It's such a joy watching the congregation raise their hands and crying out to Him..

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Dad gave me a talk abt Leon and i on the way home from lunch.. Yes.. I know Leon's not a christian and i have tried talking to him, but he gives me excuses all the time and i juz dont wanna force anymore.. Peeps tell me to let go, that i cant love a non-christian.. But its so friggin hard coz i love him - Love him, not Crazy abt him.. It's been a year already and we've been thru so much, but juz bcoz of his religion, its such a waste to let this relationship go.. Tell me what i shud do man.. I entered this relationship hoping to go far with him and now its like ive stopped dead in my tracks.. urGhh..

Things are great for us for now.. hope it stays this way.. =D
12:19 AM
Saturday, May 28, 2005

Been trying to compose and write a song juz to kill time.. Came up with a nice introduction, but i just cant find the right tune.. I so really need some inspiration and motivation here.. Played the introduction on the piano and it sounded really nice - Very Alternative rock..
Went to church today for music practice.. You know, the musicians used to tell me that my drumming was too simple.. So after a few years of practice, i finally thought i got it, and now they want my drumming less complicated.. Think i needa work out too coz they find my drumming too soft.. Sigh.. Maybe they shud juz get rid of the drum shield..

Dardar might be going away for 6 months.. I gez there's more than a possibility for that to happen.. So many things are happening in my life right now and i really need him.. Totally cried my eyes out when he told me the news.. 6 months - That's a realli realli long time.. Things wud be so different and i dont even know whether i'd be able to adapt to it..

Im so bored at home.. No school, no money, no job and most of all.. No Life! ive got nothing to do at home except the housework, which no one bothers to do.. Plus, no allowance so its like.. I dont know.. Juz like a maid who doesnt get paid for her work..

Oh well..

My life's weird..
7:26 PM
Thursday, May 26, 2005

My life is in such a mess now, ever since i came home late last tuesday..

Tuesday, was so called special coz dar and i celebrated our one year anniversary together.. Spent the whole day there, went grocery shopping for our "anniversay dinner".. It was really cool coz no one was around and we had the whole place to ourselves so its like we were married and owned the apartment. Plus, shopping together was so "husband-and-wife" like..

Anyway, dinner was great.. Dar cooked black pepper steak with fries, baked beans, egg and soup - typical american meal.. His choice of soup was cream of chicken or something, which tasted fine i gez.. I juz dont know why i had to choose that stupid minestrone soup - didnt even finish half the bowl.. Felt kinda guilty for not finishing it coz dar paid for everything BUT it really tasted friggin awful.. Dinner was great, though the steak tasted a little salty, but it was really thoughtful for dardar to cook up a storm for me.. To be fair, i washed the dishes.. =D

It was really memorable.. *Dreams*

Left his house at 11.45pm and like duh, there wasnt anymore buses around.. Parents kept calling me like crazy, asking me to come back home at that instant, like as if i was superwoman and i could teleport home.. Bcoz of that, they kept rushing me and i started to panic, so i had no choice but to walk home.. Thank God dardar was around..

Right now, my life is like crazy.. My parents think im rebellious, and that im backsliding in my religion.. They say that im a GIRL and it's not safe for me to come home late.. My mum says that i dont even do anything at home since im not skooling, and that im always going out, asking her for money.. Excuse me.. Who does the housework nowadays? Do i ask her for money? No! Im so friggin broke now but do i ask her? She doesnt give me allowance and i dun even complain.. My bro slacks at home all the time.. Hogging the com right after he comes from school, regardless of whether he's having exams or not.. He comes home even later than me, sometimes not even informing my parents.. And its like, he gets the money from my parents, and they pamper him even more..

My dad confiscated my mtv code sim card and gave me a stupid prepaid card coz my bill overshot.. I juz dun understand why.. i made sure my sms wouldnt exceed a thousand.. Now its so troublesome coz i hafta notify everyone of my change of handphone number.. I so friggin didnt wanna use that prepaid card.. Was sobbing on my bed, thinking about the incidents that happened over the past few days.. I juz didnt feel like talking to my parents at all.. UrgHh..!

Anyway.. Phone number's changed.. contact me in msn to get it.. Might not be using it much though.. Life sucks man.. bleahhx..!
10:42 PM
Sunday, May 22, 2005

These are a few pics my fren edited for me last week.. Really sleek.. Cool cool cool!
(click to enlarge)


That's me... I cant see my face!! LoL..


That's Leon, aka my dardar.. =D Such a pig.. hAha..


That's the backs of me and Abby.. Man, those were the days when i was still in Millenia.. Got to hang out with my frenz quite alot.. Sob, now its over.. Im gone.. Only memories to keep.. hEh..


And last of all, that's my pencil box which i took while feasting at Billy Bombers with Abby, Huiting and Niven, my Millenia frenz.. See.. The words read: "Aspiring Rock Star".. hAha..

Oo freak.. A few days ago, i was so friggin careless that i left my Ocean Pacific board (Thank God it wasnt Billabong) shorts at the beach!! Sob sob.. I have so limited board shorts now and i juz dont know what to wear when im out.. If only i was working, then id have the cash to get me a nice and chio pair of billabong board shorts.. =(


I want a new billabong board shorts!!
I want a new billabong board shorts!!
I want a new billabong board shorts!!
I want a new billabong board shorts!!
I want a new billabong board shorts!!
I want a new billabong board shorts!!
Someone get me a new billabong board shorts!!



3:47 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2005

i juz cannot get over how my dardar looked when he was little.. He's juz so freaking cute!! Took a picture of my little dear last sunday while we were "talking" in his room.. His mum suddenly came in, saw what i was doing and asked me to take all my little pics back.. Apparently, i gave them to dardar for him to treasure and to, hopefully look at them when he thinks of me.. LOL!! But instead, they were kept in this paper bag.. Dang.. She went on to say that those photos were precious and were limited so i couldnt simply give them away to every one of my boyfriends.. There wud only be lesser and lesser of my baby pictures, then all memories wud be lost?

Honestly, what she said to me realli hurt me a little.. I gez i assume that she thinks me and dardar wouldnt last.. Like she didnt trust me or something.. Well, im always quiet around her.. I juz dont know what to say to her coza the language barrier.. Im such a sucker in chinese and am not even near "half perfect".. I juz dont know what i can do to make her like me.. Talk more? Laugh more? Smile more? Im doing those.. I juz gotta stop avoiding dar's house coz i cant avoid her forever rite..

Anyway.. here's a pic of my little dardar..



Cute rite? hEhe.. And this is how he looks NOW!!



Yurp yurp..And this is US now!! =)



6 days and counting to our one year anniversary.. Happy anniversary in advance darling!! =)
1:59 AM
Thursday, May 19, 2005

Wow.. I finally came to my senses.. I juz realised how dardar wud feel if i kept doing what i did.. Im the kinda person who has lotsa guy frenz, dardar's worried and is trying to protect me.. Maybe i shud understand that..

I heard how scared he was when he talked to me.. How much he didnt wanna lose me.. And the same goes here - I dont wanna lose him.. After almost a year together, i juz cannot let it stop here... I know what i shud do.. i shud stop hanging out with my guy frenz too often to prevent misunderstandings and to prevent dardar from worrying too much abt me.. I love him..

Juz another 8 days later and it'll be our first yr together.. Im looking forward to it.. Hopefully things get better for us.. I cant wait i cant wait!!! hEh..

Fronkiee.. U are a realli great guy.. =D Thanks for being there for me when i needed you.. Our frenship doesnt stop here ok? Am so sorry i caused trouble for both you and dardar.. I realli didnt want any of those things to happen to u guys since u were ex classmates, and gd frenz i suppose.. Remember what i told u ok? That God let things happen for a reason.. So dun worry abt losing the one u love or perpetually asking God where "the one" has gone.. If He wants you to have her, He will bring her to you one day.. You juz gotta wait and keep praying.. =D yea?

Not feeling very well today.. Both of my eyes are feeling sick.. Left eye has a cut while the right eye is swollen due to heatiness.. Dang.. Knew i shud haf drank more water.. Plus, im sooo dark now, which is a gd thing.. hEhe.. I think a tanned body looks sexy.. WAHAHaaa!! :P

Listening to: Angels and devils - Dishwalla

That song is great!! Love it to the core... *Dreamz*
2:23 PM
Saturday, May 14, 2005

Poem on the 13th of May

Your lies, they scare me.
Already, they are directed to your closest kin,
Thus how true are them to me?
Chances are, inevitably slim.

Such uncertainty,
Confuses and restricts me
To present my love for you wholeheartedly.
Such distance,
The vast spaces between you and I.

Do you hear the sound?
The sound of silence,
The sound of conditional love,
The sound of backs turning against each other.

Which one, in the end will succeed?
Which one, in the end will prevail?
But it is true in the fact,
That we all have failed.


Stopid blogger.. Had to be under maintenance while i decided to publish this post.. Thank God i remembered most of the poem.. Had to dig and ransack my brain for the little bits i forgot.. Boo..

Today's Friday the 13th!!!! Thanks to a fren who reminded me.. HAha.. Fortunately, nothing bad happened to me, but somthing embarrassing happened to dardar.. wAhAha.. :P
Ok anywayz.. He sent me home after dinner, and boy was i bloated! While i sat on my doorstep to rest my tummy, i noticed that his fly was opened!! HAha.. Apparently he forgot to zip his fly after pee-ing.. lol..! Plus, he was wearing these baggy pants so his fly was pretty big and pretty obvious too.. HAHa.. Wanted to laugh some more at the scene but decided not to.. Dar has a pretty bad temper..

Daar.. Hot tempered black faced paranoid son of a baker.. LOL..! Boo..

Cant wait for the week to end.. Cant wait for my laselle payment receipt to arrive at my doorstep.. Cant wait for school to start!!! WeEEeeeeeeEe!!
1:17 AM
Thursday, May 12, 2005

Wrote a new song yesterday.. Decided to put my expressions into a song instead of venting it on anyone else.. After finishing it, my bro volunteered to be my guitarist while i record the singing.. The best thing about it was the introduction and the bridge coz it was diff from my other songs.. I juz love writing..

Went all the way to peace centre today to get guitar strings for my bro.. Kinda expensive but its his money anyway.. Dar asked me why i had to go all the way there to get guitar strings instead of somewhere nearer.. I had the time, so i didnt mind..

Went to play pool.. Damn lousy.. It's either missing that lil white ball, or missing any of the other balls.. UrgHh.. But it was great.. HEh.. Enjoyed the fun.. After that, went to Orange Julius to refresh ourselves.. Didnt know what to order at first coz it was my first time there, so i decided to get a banana smoothie.. It was impressive how the guy made the drink.. He added wat seemed like vanilla powder and banana flavourings? Haha.. I dont know..

Then i began to feel bored, and dwindled on my notebook.. Drew stuff, wrote stupid chinese stuff.. Aha..Then wrote this new poem.. Quite amazing coz i havent written for a friggin long time.. Thanks for the motivation.. Heh.. :)


"Sweat drops onto
Paper thin blankness,
Blinded and blocked from inside.
Him, dying and bored,
Lay characterised while
Staring at paper thin blankness."



Bye for now.. :)


10:34 PM
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Jaded.

Wad if things were not like what it seems to be?
Wad if things that you believed were true, were in fact actually, false?
Wad if all that youve been enduring, bleeds in you instead of preventing misconceptions?
Wad if these things make you confused and so lost, you cant make out whats real and whats not?

How wud you feel once you realise that youve been cheated on?
How wud you feel once you realise that you can no longer trust?
How wud you feel once you realise that someone you love so much, hides a past from you..

A past you so dyingly want to know about..

Wud you not care and juz walk away?
Wud you let all these carry on, pretend you know nothing?
Wud you threaten, threaten to kill yourself if he superglues his mouth?
Wud you cry alone in bed at night juz thinking abt all that youve been thru?
Wud you juz leave it all to God and let him decide your fate?

What wud you do?
Feel NUMB?
Feel COLD?
Feel HATRED?
Feel JADED?

.Numb.Cold.Hatred.Jaded.

Btw.. This is not a song...
11:11 PM
Saturday, May 07, 2005

Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!
Stop yelling at me!!

STOP YELLING AT ME!!!
1:43 PM
Friday, May 06, 2005

Phew..

Lotsa time to upgrade and renovate this blog.. Two days in total.. Kills my time.. Good..

Didnt do the housework.. Think my parents are realli gonna screw me.. Two days ive been spending time playing architect, renovating this blog instead of doing the chores.. Screwed..

Anywaez.. Im happy with it.. Satisfied.. =D
2:45 PM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
thinking abt the past

Why do i keep reminiscing about the past? It's like so nostalgic and i kinda missed your presence..You were the only guy that really cared alot for me at that time.. Im so glad we've all moved on with our lives.. It's like the past one year has just been months.. We've gotten into other relationships, experienced different things and tasted life.. What's different is juz that, i dun see you anymore.. It's like youre gone physically, and i miss that...

I juz miss alot abt u..

But there's always a reason why we're here.. Im trying to make my present relationship better, be there for him, love him as much as i can, try not to piss him off as often, be myself and preserve it.. Reduce my mistakes and always be positive for him.. Wow.. We're almost together for a year, my second longest relationship.. Let me count.. 23 more days to our one year anniversary..!! :)

My love for him is greater than that of all my other exes put together.. Bcoz of this, this relationship is the hardest one i ever came across.

The only thing that worries me is whether id be able to bring him to Christ soon enuf.. His life is a mess.. Bad temper, bad history.. I wish i cud take all that pain away.. But only one person can do that and that's God.. I'll show him through me, that he can trust Him.. :)

Super shagged now.. i hate my hair!! Gonna have ws to come over to help me dye it back tml.. Gonna give it some treatment.. My poor hair's fried and dried and dead.. UrghH! :(
11:54 PM
Monday, May 02, 2005

It's juz too scary witnessing that scene.. It's too much for me..

On the outside, im trying to maintain my so called "ego", but in the actual fact, i wanted things to be alrite.. Juz watching you vend your anger on anything you can get your hands on breaks my heart..

Real bad..

Im sorry.. I know you hate that word, but i truly am.. Sometimes i dont know why, but i juz seem to cause you trouble no matter how much i try to please you.. I really hate to see you angry.. i juz wished i could turn back time..

"Next time this happens again.. let me tell you, no more Mr Nice guy.."

Sigh.. Sometimes wat i do are mistakes and sometimes i dont even take notice of them... I need you to remind me, by telling me then i know.. Sigh.. Shibz.. I juz dont know how to explain this.. All i can say to you now is..

Sorry...
11:15 PM
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